I know what I want from life.

And for that, I’m grateful
So many people do not know
What they truly want.

I know I want him.
He is my poet, my muse, my artist and my poetry.
And my best friend too.
Isn’t that so incredibly wonderful?
That I like him just as much as I am in love with him!

I can tell him anything and everything
And he laughs with me
And he cries with me
Picks me up like noone else can
Noone has known me the way he does
I have shed every bit of my layer with him
And he makes me want to do it more
Until I’m nothing but naked to my soul
And then I want to die.
With his name on my lips
His love in my heart
His hands in mine.

How could I ever give up on someone like that?
And so I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him
I know I have never wanted anyone or anything this bad
I have never known love of this kind.
While I’ve had relationships before,
I’ve never known togetherness of the hearts from worlds apart
An ache that kills me everyday
Only to be reborn the next morning
Just to be loved by him

I know and understand my heart so well
I know how I have changed
Shut out people from my world
Hurt them in the process
Without meaning to.
Without being able to help it.
It’s like I watched my heart leaving
To where he is at
And that I am there
And this is just my shadow here.
How could I explain this
To those who love me
Those I continue to disappoint
And I run farther away from them
Because I cannot take
What I see:
Silent despair in their eyes.

I know nobody will understand
I know I cannot say I don’t care if they don’t
I know the burden of my obligations
I know all these.

What I don’t know
Is how to close this distance
between him and I
That is tearing me apart
One strand at a time
Even as I watch in utter helplessness
The silent despair grow
In the eyes of the world

P.S. Dear Reader, if you’ve reached the end and are reading this, I’d like to sincerely thank you for your patience.ย I’m aware this does not qualify as a poem in the typical sense of the word, as I’m wont to write. I don’t know what it is. Streams of consciousness perhaps, as I sit ruminating these thoughts.ย 

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